Risa’s daughter, Ashley, screamed every time she said, “Sit down.” It didn’t matter if it was dinner time, snack time, bed time, or movie time, Ashley broke down. The question could be asked, is this simply defiance? If it’s in several areas, it could be, but if a child’s experienced trauma, their behavior won’t fall…
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why Grandma & Grandpa’s parenting techniques don’t work with adopted/foster kids
In March, Rebecca Vahle of the Adoption Perspectives radio show interviewed me. In the interview below, we discuss why “normal” parenting techniques don’t work with adopted and foster children. We went over things such as: why it’s okay to give a child attention when they’re acting out why people want us to parent differently, and…
Read More6 things you shouldn’t say to, or in front of, your foster/adopted child
You can listen to a recording of this post, just scroll to the bottom of this post. Sometimes it’s common sense and sometimes it’s not. Despite that common sense we’ve all supposedly been given, I’ve heard some terrible things said in front of, and to, children. Guidance has also been disposed by some professionals that…
Read More7 reasons why time-in NOT time-out (adoption/foster)
Experienced parents often want to share with foster and adoptive parents how to raise their children, they may tell you to put your child in time-out, spank them, and offer a plethora of other solutions. Problem being, a biological child thinks very differently than a child who’s worried about where their next meal will come…
Read Morethe intelligence behind a hurting child (adoption/foster)
I talk frequently about our children and their brains, how a hurting child’s brain is less developed than a child who’s had a typical upbringing (love and consistency). I talk about their inability to think logically, and that’s why consequences and reward systems don’t work. However, none of this means that a child who’s been…
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why consequences & rewards don’t work for hurting children (adoption/foster)
You can listen to a recording of this post, just scroll down to the bottom of this page and don some earbuds. 🙂 “My child doesn’t respond to consequences, I can take away anything and he doesn’t care.” “Rewards mean nothing to my daughter, I can offer an ice cream at McDonald’s or a new…
Read Moregive negativity a noose (adoption/foster)
You can view the first post in this series: negativity is contagious You know who had a right to be negative, angry, opposing, and downright contrary? The Giving Tree. You know, the children’s book by Shel Silverstein? The Giving Tree is just that; giving. His owner, however, is selfish and takes everything he can from…
Read Morethe importance of consistency & routine (adoption/foster)
I looked up “quotes on consistency” for this post. What I found was in direct contradiction to what I was looking for. Oscar Wilde says, “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” Aldous Huxley said, “Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only complete consistent people are dead.” For the sake of…
Read Morestudy your child (adoption/foster)
Now that school has begun for your kids, it’s time to do your homework. No worries, it’s pretty simple, and it will pay great dividends in the end. So what’s the assignment? Study your child. Always be aware of your child and their reactions to the world around them. What situations make your child wary? What…
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lovin' adoptin' & autism 