In March, Rebecca Vahle of the Adoption Perspectives radio show interviewed me. In the interview below, we discuss why “normal” parenting techniques don’t work with adopted and foster children. We went over things such as:
- why it’s okay to give a child attention when they’re acting out
- why people want us to parent differently, and why it doesn’t work
- why time-in is better than time-out
- where our children come from and why time-out is harmful
- why raising a traumatized child looks different than raising a biological child
Get out your iPod, iPhone, Android and listen in the car, while you’re doing laundry, or listen on the web:
Have you used time-out with your foster or adopted child? How did it work? Have you tried time-in? How did it work?
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We don’t use time out, but if a child takes themselves to a quiet place for some time to themselves we let them know it’s ok to take time out. We check on them and when they’re ready to talk, we have a chat about whatever is bugging them. We also have a couch in a room other than the lounge room where we can sit quietly with kids to help them settle. Works better than traditional ‘yell, then time out’ with the foster kids.
We also make sure we take our own time out if our buttons are being pushed to the extreme. We tag the other person and they settle the munchkin while we go someplace quiet.
Good point. It’s important that parents know that if the child wants to have time alone ( not excessive), it’s okay.