She’s so sweet. Oh, he’s so adorable. I just love his smile. The first day I visited the orphanage, she ran to me and gave me a hug. These qualities are what draws adoptive and foster parents. It makes sense, but it breaks my heart. It wrecks me to think that children aren’t worthy of…
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attachment in adoption & foster care: the first things we need to know
This is a post I originally wrote in April 2013. Many of you are new here, so I thought I would bring back some of the basics in the following weeks. Hope you enjoy. ************* In Chris Cleave’s novel Little Bee, he writes Little Bee’s thoughts, “Take it from me, a scar does not form on…
Read Morewhat’s next? a look at life after bonding takes place
As a parent of adopted kids I found myself wondering far too much, why? Why did my kids have to endure so much so early in life? Why do they have to overcome so much? I’ve realized these aren’t the questions that will bring about healing and restoration. The question I began asking is, what will my…
Read Moretherapeutic parents need breaks, but balance is key (adoption & foster care)
Being a therapeutic parent is hard. It’s wearing. It’s tiring. It’s work. All. The. Time. It’s benefits in the end are rewarding beyond compare, but when you’re in the day to day it can be draining. Although my husband and I have come out of the most difficult parts of therapeutic parenting with our daughter,…
Read Morelies are like flies and multiplying quickly: why adopted and foster children lie
“Caitlyn did it, not me.” “This kid ran past me, grabbed my backpack and…” “The car in front of me slammed on their brakes…” “The teacher never told me the assignment was due.” It seems like every adoptive, foster, and even biological family deals with lying. In fact, lying is the biggest struggle for many…
Read More6 things you shouldn’t say to, or in front of, your foster/adopted child
You can listen to a recording of this post, just scroll to the bottom of this post. Sometimes it’s common sense and sometimes it’s not. Despite that common sense we’ve all supposedly been given, I’ve heard some terrible things said in front of, and to, children. Guidance has also been disposed by some professionals that…
Read Morehurting children CAN develop empathy (adoption/foster)
If your child was diagnosed with RAD, attachment disorder, PTSD, oppositional defiance disorder, or if there weren’t any diagnoses, but your child was neglected or abused, you may feel they won’t develop empathy. Heck, you may have even been told that your child will never show empathy. It’s not true. I know I brag about…
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why consequences & rewards don’t work for hurting children (adoption/foster)
You can listen to a recording of this post, just scroll down to the bottom of this page and don some earbuds. 🙂 “My child doesn’t respond to consequences, I can take away anything and he doesn’t care.” “Rewards mean nothing to my daughter, I can offer an ice cream at McDonald’s or a new…
Read Morethe importance of consistency & routine (adoption/foster)
I looked up “quotes on consistency” for this post. What I found was in direct contradiction to what I was looking for. Oscar Wilde says, “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” Aldous Huxley said, “Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only complete consistent people are dead.” For the sake of…
Read Moretaking the HAUNT out of Halloween (adoption/foster)
(In this post when I talk about our children who came from a scary place, I am including those who were neglected or abandoned. Although they weren’t abused or frightened by some larger person, their experience was extremely fearful for a child.) I’m not a fan of fear. In college you would have thought differently.…
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lovin' adoptin' & autism 