feelings on bio parents

In the beginning of this case it was so difficult to imagine two people losing their child because of Mental Health issues. I was so sad for J’s bio mom, as I saw how sad she was, and I could also see obvious evidence that she wouldn’t be able to care for a child.

But T (bio father) quickly became another story. J has obvious memories of his father’s neglect, whether they be subconscious or existing at another level, we’ll never really know. What we do know is that he has visible reactions to T, which are obvious when they are together, as well as after his visits with him.

I used to feel bad for T, and I suppose part of me still does. He can’t keep track of an ever changing child, whether it be the child’s age, how often he should be burped if drinking a bottle, or what he is now supposed to be eating. He has to be told numerous times where J is at developmentally, and even then he will often revert back in time. This is tragic. Some professionals would say that T isn’t making choices in these areas, that he is at a younger age mentally. I, as well as some Workers who have spent a plethora of time with him, have on occasion seen that he chooses to act like a know-it-all.

Like many other humans in this world, T seems to formulate ideas in his mind and he will not be swayed. He has been heard numerous times saying, “I have lots of books at home.” The Workers respond with, “Well then, read them.”

So, yes, at one time I did feel sorry for T, and lIke I said, part of me still does. But, there is an overwhelming feeling that there is someone else in this equation that didn’t ask for any of this, and right now that little boy is my focus. My focus for now does not lie with T and having oodles of compassion for him. Maybe it will come at the Termination hearing,  I am confident it will, as it did when we went to the Termination hearing for my daughter, Pumpkin’s, biological parents.

A Worker, whose goal is to work closely with the bio parents, recently told me that it was very sad. She was referring to the situation with both of J’s bio parents. I told her that while it is sad, there is an innocent life that needs to be protected and made the priority. She said that she was just speaking of the bio parents. I get where she’s coming from. Yet, I realize that they go so far to reunite bio parents with their children, and I am left to wonder, like many others, where the child’s well-being lies in the midst of reunification procedures. They are often left in the dust while everyone scrambles to help the bio parents.

So, while I am looking forward to the Termination, I also realize there is a more somber side. Two parents may lose custody of their child. It just wasn’t meant to be from the get go, but I am happy to have J in our home. We love him dearly.

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